Parent-Professional Relationships

SPEAKER 1: Rosemary, how can family and staff have conversations that promote collaboration and really specific planning that doesn't skirt around issues? ROSEMARY: OK. I found over the years, just from observing so many school staff interactions, that there are really some key words to avoid for staff and some things that staff can do that really promote collaboration. I think one for me has always been when staff says you need to accept what your child's disability is. And I always have found that to be a difficult word. I just rebel and having to accept what has happened to us. And the word I like, is that I feel like I've learned to adapt. I've become very good at adapting to the realities of our life over many years now-- 30 years since Will's 30 years old. That I've learned I can never accept what happened to him and his brain at birth, but I have learned to adapt to the realities of what his needs are, and what his gifts are, and how we can best form our lives so that he gets to do what he wants and needs to do and we still have lives of our own. So there's some things that I think staff can do that really promote the most collaborative atmosphere for parents and staff. One I like, is for staff to listen to the parents' story. Parents need to tell their story. And I know you have the clock running when you're in an ARD meeting. But just to give a little time to hear out that parent, where they are, where their feelings are coming from, maybe some early history, gives them a sense of they are cared for and respected and you really have their story. And now you can proceed to work together. Also, I think that you need to keep in mind, parents are really on a seesaw. They go one minute, they want their child grow up and become independent people. And the next minute, they want to keep them at home and hug them to themselves and never let them go. And you have to acknowledge that parents really seesaw back and forth all the time. Even today, when my child is 30, I find myself going back and forth in my views of him. And then, I think staff really must respect the wide variety of parenting styles you see. That it's not your right to judge what is the future or what is the best approach for family. Everybody has their own parenting style and you must accept that and adapt to it, so that you can make parents feel like you are respecting them and their individual ways of parenting and living their lives. And then, I think it's just essential that you are sure parents are aware of the resources and are up to date on how to apply for resources and become eligible. And if they need it, you can give an assist. You can make a phone call. You can sit with them and help them take a few of the steps that might be hard for them. SPEAKER 1: I'd like to piggyback on your earlier point, Rosemary, about listening to the parents story. I view this as an investment in the relationship and in the ARD process. Staff, if you can take the half an hour that it takes to have a parent teacher conference outside of an ARD, or the first few minutes in an ARD, find that opportunity to engage in that kind of relationship building. Because in the long run, it'll be more efficient for you if you've got that intact relationship with your parent. So that then when you get to the difficult issue, you've got that relationship and the trust and the confidence that you can rely on in order to work through that. Oftentimes, we'll see that where there hasn't been that upfront investment in some relationship building, that then we're engaged later in the year in all kinds of arguments about details, and mastery criteria, and not responding to email, or whatever the nitty-gritty detail might be. That kind of thing can become a real overwhelming take away from your time and resources working with that student and that family. If, up front, you can do that relationship building-- and I'm a big proponent of the pre-ARD process, don't necessarily try to get it all done in an ARD meeting-- that those are investments that do take time. But in the long run, they take less time than cleaning up a mess that happens as the result of not having that intact relationship.