Collaborative Teaming

INTERVIEWER: So Carolyn, what do you think are the best words and attitude that staff can project to help build collaborations with families? CAROLYN: I think the starting place is people first language. And this isn't just being politically correct. There's a real concept embedded in that, and that is, rather than referring to an autistic child or a Down Syndrome student, we really want to recognize that that person is a child first or a student first. They are a well-rounded person for who their disability is a part of who they are and a part of what they bring to the table, but that's not their definition as a person. So that's really the concept. By using people first language, we're acknowledging that. And that brings a lot in tone that educators are communicating to families about how they view that child. The second two that we're going to talk about are real hot buttons for parents. So educators, when you sit down with your family and talk about needing to be "realistic," that's a hot button on the family end because that family is living every day with that kid. Most of us are realistic about where our child is in their development and what the issues might be for them. You might not see that in a parent's behavior, but that's usually because the parent is fearful that if they come clean and really are willing to acknowledge all of the student's weaknesses or deficit areas, that that student is going to become defined by that in your eye. And as parents, what we are really hoping that our team of educators are going to be able to do is to see our child as a well-rounded, whole child, strengths included. So when you see a parent coming in, talking only about strengths and potential and maybe even what-- here's the second hot button word-- a lot of educators like to refer to as denial, I would really encourage you to look past that and realize that it's probably not that the parents are actually in denial about where that child needs all that extra support. It's that they are very fearful that the strengths and positives are going to get lost in conversation. INTERVIEWER: And they're not really ready to talk publicly about the issues. Know that all the worst and best about their child is in their brain. It's what they wake up at 3:00 AM worrying about, and they are very aware of all these issues. But they are not ready to talk out loud, to talk in a public setting like school, about the things that they're most worried about, most fearful about and, as you're saying, Carolyn, that if they admit it, then it becomes a reality. And they don't want to take that step at that moment. But I think that school staff needs to just keep presenting information with patience, with respect, with care, so that the parent knows that it's becoming more and more OK to talk about all the options on the table. But they're being given time to adjust, to develop, to adapt, to understand, and they're going to get where they need to be. And where they need to be-- maybe not you need to be as a staff, but where the person, the family needs to be. CAROLYN: In the conversation with parents, it can take as little as 30 seconds or a minute to remember to acknowledge strengths. Oftentimes, this really comes to a head during annual planning when you're having to get together with parents, you're having to get together with colleagues, you're having to engage in a really substantive and efficient process to craft that IEP. An IEP is all about deficits. And in order to do a good job on that, you really needing to work and live in the deficit areas, and that parent needs to be there with you. However, remember that those deficits are not the whole child. And for the parent, to have to come in and engage in a pretty business-like process that is deficit-focused, even though we understand that that's the point, to take that 30 second or 1 minute opportunity in the middle of a conversation or before you broach a difficult conversation to lead with strengths or progress can really buy you a lot in the way of relationship with the parents. It is often said in communication theory that the conversation is the relationship. And those collaborative relationships among IEP teams, including that parent, are going to be the name of the game in a really quality, individualized planning that fits that student to a T.